RESPECT

When your partner acts like a child in front of family and friends, and you go along like it’s fun, What is this behaviour and why do we put up with it? Do they grow up or continue to act like wild teenagers well into their late 30s? I should have waited to get married to him when he had matured, but that never happened because how could he when he himself didn’t have strong male role models in his life to guide him?

Well, it just so seemed that I had landed a guy stuck somewhere between 14-19 years of age. How did he not realise that others around him and his peers were not behaving the same, even when told that it was rude and embarrassing or silly, he continued with the same displays of joker mastery to constantly try and make people laugh. Some kind of deflection from reality or avoidance of his own self-worth? Was life really that bad? I never got those answers, but they are not mine to answer. It takes so much effort to become this persona that everyone associates you with, yet some people continue to carry it through into their adult life. Never adulting, just remaining the same. I could no longer tolerate it, for me it was like listening to the same joke on repeat, it had become a mannerism ingrained in his psyche that I had slowly started to dislike, and it spread like a virus causing me to dislike more and more about him. I was not a teenager anymore, where was the respect? Now I’m not here to list dislikes about someone but the mere fact that I allowed myself to tolerate this behaviour in my life for 16 years is more profound because I, too, must have been walking around with my eyes shut. More so, I had so much noise going on around me both at home in my head and at work, and it wasn’t a priority to address for so long until I did.

Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love – Don Miguel Ruiz

In a relationship, it is not either partner that is to change the other, but as you spend more and more time together, you share experiences, vibes, and energy, and you grow. Was I the only one growing? Or just taking care of him and the children? Those early years felt like I was on autopilot or a blur, especially when the children were young. Before children, I was really carefree about life, nothing serious just both having fun every weekend. I was committed to my work and enjoyed what I was doing. We made some cute kids, they were great they brought us a lot of joy, and I never felt stressed about managing as a mother. I did always ensure that I could provide for them within my means. But as the children grew, so too did their exposure to behaviour that was against my liking. I have touched on this previously, that before children, you just don’t know how the other will parent, and you sort of just navigate your way through the murkiness of situations with highs and lows along the way. I knew that this childish behaviour was never going to end because I had allowed it for so long or I had just accepted that it was, until at a house party we hosted one weekend, as we posed for a photo, he put his arm around my neck and put his hand on my breast. That was it! I couldn’t take it any longer, this was pure ‘disrespect,’ and in my head, it set off a whole lot of what are you doing about it?, are you ok with this? Type of questions. It was from that point that I told myself that I would no longer tolerate this kind of ‘show off, macho’ behaviour, regardless of fun or alcohol. I wanted respect and deserved it, and if it wasn’t coming from my partner, it was coming from ME.