Pushing ourselves out of our comfort beyond our limits is not something many people succeed at. They don’t want to venture outside of the unknown for whatever reason but from my experience, it is due to mainly fear and discomfort. We all want comes easy but when we look deeper into this and reflect on how we are programmed conditioned, and challenged by our peers growing up we need to look within and ask ourselves, what more can I do with all this stored power that I have? How can I go further?
Recalling the decision, I made at the ripe age of 33 to go to University and expand my knowledge profoundly shaped whom I have become today. I was scared of the commitment; it was something I had to prove to myself over and over and when the results started to come in I knew I had made the right choice. I remember the first few assignments I wrote that were critiqued and marked hard by my tutor. I almost dropped out after the first few results thinking that I just didn’t have what it took to follow the structured format that was required. I questioned myself, am I just too old for this? I have been out of the structured school environment for so long. There is a perfected madness in the way we express our research, and findings and provide an opinion, and after seeing the students of all ages showing up and investing in themselves I knew I was no different. I was hard on myself, but I persisted as I knew that the end goal was greater than I would ever imagine. It gave me a sense of depth, and personal accomplishment and demonstrated that I could achieve anything I put my mind to. For a bit of context, I was working full time, raising 3 children all in primary school, and challenged by a marriage that was no longer serving me both spiritually and emotionally. This outlet lit my fire and allowed me to polish the intellect one that I did not validate previously and had ignored totally. The growth I experienced as I dove deeply into reading and research opened my eyes to a newfound world. I started accepting it and continued to polish it. It was such a silent experience, I felt it internally and just didn’t know how it would express in the physical sense. I would go to work physically but I wasn’t present. I just existed as I focussed on myself over this 3 year period of growth, only delivering the bare minimum, but no one questioned it.
“Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.” Oprah Winfrey
My intentions have always been to do good, I don’t take any comfort in seeing pain or causing it If something does not fit my purpose I have learnt to use my voice to express it and the more I grow into my deeper self I appreciate the value of time. I think back to how I gave myself to so many over my adult life and almost lost myself only to realise that in setting out on a new path of life in my 30’s I had to wake up and harness the power within to establish who I truly was. I didn’t know how that would look and what I would have to go through, I do know that I wasn’t scared of the future and that is what gave me the power to continue to say yes to me and yes to new opportunities. How did I go through all that intimidation in the family court all to prove that I was a solid mum and not get any financial support or a solid visitation schedule? I took it all as a sign, that there were more important adventures life had installed for me, and investing my energy in things I had no control over would not bring me any peace. I had to harness the power I had to take action on what I could control and my life is lived now from a different perspective a perspective of reason and gratitude.